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#11 – Luis Turcott: “Warden and Inmate”

Ryan interviews Luis Turcott. Luis is a young, first-time dad to one son. He is also a sales professional who works from home and travels frequently for his job. We discuss everything from a difficult birthing experience to juggling working from home while his son is home full time.

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If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

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#10 – Ryan Burnham: More About Day by Day Dad

Diana interviews Ryan. This episode is a bit different. It falls on Father’s Day and our 7 year wedding anniversary. Diana wanted to interview Ryan in order to go more in depth on Ryan as a person and as a Dad. 

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If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Visit daybydaydad.com/sponsor-form/and fill out the form.

Follow Day by Day Dad:
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Celebrating Father’s Day

Father’s Day 2020 is my first as a father. Celebrating Father’s Day is bittersweet for me as it is the first as a father while also being the first time that I cannot see my father. He has spent the last 6 weeks in hospital after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and no longer being able to live at home. It’s not all doom and gloom as I know he’s receiving the best care possible but due to the current pandemic, I cannot visit him today. He can’t spend the day with his new granddaughter either.

I’ve spent the last couple of days reflecting on what celebrating Father’s Day would be for me this year. I don’t like to be the center of attention for celebrations like my birthday so a day to celebrate being a dad also goes beyond my normal comfort level. Writing that down makes it seem silly and helps to get over it.

In the past, this day meant getting my dad a gift to help make sure he feels loved and highlighted. That was usually an easy thing to do considering he is the ultimate handyman and enjoys any tool purchased at Home Depot. The thing that was lost on me until later in life is my dad really just enjoys spending time with his family. He was never the type of person who really enjoyed gifts. He would much rather be the gift giver and see the smile on the faces of his loved ones.


Reflecting on My Dad

I think the more important part of today is reflecting on what it means to be a dad; the dad that you want to be. Like most people, my dad and I have had our ups and downs over the last 32 years. I’m not the perfect son and he is not the perfect dad. Who are we to try measuring ourselves against some arbitrary grading system?

My father is the best father he can be. He always has been. His goal has always been to provide for his family. He never wants to see anything but smiles on the faces of his sons and will always shield us from anything that could impact us negatively. He has his faults and those are learned. Through the learning I’ve done recently, I’ve come to understand that experiences throughout our childhood come to impact the way we are as adults. My dad didn’t have the easiest upbringing and had to deal with difficult situations with his father. Thankfully for us, he learned from his childhood and decided that he would do everything to protect his children and give them the opportunity to be better than he is.


Becoming a Dad

My dad is made to be a dad. To be the provider. To be the caregiver for his family. His friends called him Moose because he was the biggest one of their group. He looked out for all of his friends through whatever shenanigans they may have gotten into. He transitioned from being the one looking out for his friends to the one looking out for his family and most importantly my mother. That came to include her family that he has always considered his family. They both waited years after getting married to have a child. Medical complications meant they couldn’t have a child of their own. They still waited 8 years on a waiting list to adopt a child. They had the opportunity to adopt me and were surprised that they had my brother naturally only 5 years later. My dad’s life has been complete ever since.

His mission in life has been to be the best father he could ever be. Dad, Mission Accomplished.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a dad. There were just too many unknowns. On my first Father’s Day, I know that it was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made. Baby I has completed our little family. She has also brought out something in me that I didn’t know existed. Day after day, I see more of my dad in my actions. I also see similarities in how he adjusted his parenting to improve on his own upbringing.

My dad has taught me that your wife and kids are your world. They are the ones you live for. You live for the smiles on their faces. You are their protector. You live to give your child every opportunity possible so they can be even better than you are. You teach them right from wrong. You include them in your interests and include yourself in theirs. You care for them like the father and partner they need you to be. You are humble enough to know that they will teach you things.


Father’s Day 2020

Today is a hard day. I’m writing this while I wipe away tears. Dad would wipe them for me and tell me to buck up, kiddo. Yes, 32 years old and I’m still kiddo. Or Mowgli. Both nicknames used interchangeably throughout the years. I’m going to do just that, dad. And I’m going to spend the entire day telling Baby I about her grandfather. How much he loves her and wants the best for her. The fact that he knows he’s raised his son to be the father she needs to be. And if he isn’t, then her grandfather will make sure to set him straight. Dad never hesitated to set us straight because he has always wanted the best for us.

I’m also going to call him in the hospital. I’m going to tell him about his granddaughter. The last time I did, he was smiling and so happy. His nurses were ecstatic to see him so happy. I know that will make his day yet again. He has an enormous heart and I know that it has grown a little bigger to make room for his granddaughter. The new love of his life.

Today is a day to celebrate becoming a dad. I’m going to celebrate in the best way that I know. I’m going to spend time talking about my dad because he has made me the man that I am today.

#9 – Andrew Tiu: Dad Verb

Ryan interviews Andrew Tiu. Andrew is a dad of two and the creator of Dad Verb.

Dad Verb Bio: Dad Verb produces branded and original content for young families from a dad’s perspective. We create videos and reviews for a variety of family-related products from home tech to baby gear. Our goal is to encourage dads, educate new parents and assuage the fears of becoming a parent. As we blend review videos with personal vlogs, we ultimately want to challenge the stigma that fathers are inferior at parenting and can have a voice in this space.

Dad Verb on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvcJAvDPOIH82MKCJV3TV5A/about
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dad_verb/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HiDadverb/

***

If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

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#8 – Alice Turner: SupportingHer

Ryan interviews Alice Turner. Alice is the creator of SupportingHer. 

SupportingHer is an easy way to learn all you need to know, at your own pace, in less than two hours from your computer or phone. You can pass on the boring books and all-day classes and be confidently ready for the big day.

With more than 15 years of experience as a doula and nine as a Lamaze certified childbirth educator, Alice has supported more than 300 births and knows the power of a prepared partner. While working with dads during a couples’ childbirth class, Alice was surprised by how much more engaged and inquisitive they. She developed a tailored curriculum, filmed it with dads in a local brewery and SupportingHer was born! Prior to becoming a doula, Alice
received a Biomedical Engineering degree from Vanderbilt University and spent her early professional life working as a database programmer in healthcare.

Topics: 

  • What is SupportingHer
  • Mission
  • Why Alice became a doula
  • Live class that Alice was teaching which lead to SupportingHer
  • Breakdown of the course
  • Why a supporting person is so important for birth outcomes
  • Favorite things to happen at a birth
  • Being prepared and present post-partum
  • Things to focus on when panic sets in
  • Adaptations during pandemic
  • BRAINS analogy
  • Lean in, don’t step back
  • Timing of the course
  • Favorite way to give physical support
 

Where to find SupportingHer: https://supportingher.com/daybydaydad
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/supportingher_class/ and https://www.instagram.com/100percentdoula/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SupportingHer/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/100percentdoula

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SPECIAL OFFER!
Listeners of the Day by Day Dad Podcast can get 20% off the SupportingHer class by going to https://supportingher.com/daybydaydad

***

If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

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#7 – Scott Hall: Fireworks

Ryan interviews Scott Hall. Scott is a software sales professional and father of 3 children. There is a 5.5 year gap between each child. Scott offers an interesting perspective on raising children with a bigger gap between the children’s ages and being a dad to both a boy and girls. Scott absolutely loves being a dad and is so proud of his children.

Topics:

  • Being predestined to have kids based on the relationship with his parents
  • Had experience raising a child early on
  • Finding the sweet spot of time between kids
  • Each child can go through their life phase themselves
  • Finding out he was having a son and the calming effect
  • Felt complete when having a baby girl
  • Most exciting time during the pregnancy
  • The difference between the first few weeks with the first child and the second
  • Biggest fear as a parent
  • Adventure guides: https://advguide.com/
  • Activities with the kids
  • What Scott enjoys most about being a parent

***

If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

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Follow Day by Day Dad:
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#6 – David Guigui: It’s Okay to Make Mistakes

Ryan interviews David Guigui. David is a former professional fighter and current professor of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. He owns Gracie Barra Laval where Ryan and David met and train together. David offers unique perspective on parenting as he is a single dad and his son grew up 3000km away. David took advantage of every moment he has had with his son and shares his experiences. 

Topics Discussed: 

  • What David wished he knew before having a child
  • It’s okay to make mistakes in child rearing
  • The level of patience it takes to be a parent
  • The importance of being open-minded and open-hearted
  • Seeing his son so soon after he was born
  • Establishing a precedent of seeing him often
  • David’s advice for new and expecting dads

Gracie Barra Laval: http://www.gblaval.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gblaval.ca/

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If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast. 

Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Visit daybydaydad.com/sponsor-form/and fill out the form.

Follow Day by Day Dad:
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#5 – Brian and Jacob: Daddy Up!

Ryan interviews the creators of the Daddy Up App. It’s an app geared towards dads that is simple and easy to use. It gave me all of the information I was looking to find without overloading me with things I don’t need. 

Topics Discussed:

  • What is Daddy Up.
  • Why the Daddy Up was created.
  •  Coming up with the concept and story.
  • Making sure the narrative prepared dads for the journey of the pregnancy.
  • Developing the storytelling based on rugged-individualism and manly to the goofiest degree.
  • Avoiding the standard voice that speaks to the journey dads go on. 
  • How Brian and Jacob met.
  • Developing the app in Jacob’s grandmother’s house.
  • The app development timeline.
  • Reaction in the community when the app launched.
  • Stories on Instagram thanking the app.
  • Wanting dads to feel important in the process and the importance of the family unit.
  • New features and roadmap for the app.
  • Daddy Up website and Instagram. 
  • Users share their stories and tag @Daddyup on Instagram
  • Advice for dads and expecting dads 

Website: https://www.daddyup.com/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daddyupapp/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daddyupapp/

***

If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast.

Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Visit https://daybydaydad.com/sponsor-form/ and fill out the form.

Follow Day by Day Dad:

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The Birth of my Daughter

Birthing stories are often shared when you tell people that you’re going to become a parent. I think it is even more prevalent for women. For my wife, she heard so many birthing stories that she didn’t really know what to expect. As an expecting father, my expectations were based on what I’d heard from other dads. Most of the stories were positive because so many shared the sheer joy they felt when they first saw or held their child. Needless to say, I was excited for the birth of my daughter.


Back up a bit

Looking back on the pregnancy, we were very lucky. We had a pretty easy pregnancy overall without any complications. I count myself lucky. The last month of the pregnancy was probably the hardest part just due to the excitement that we were getting so close to meeting our baby girl. It got even more real when we were asked to consider an induction at 39 weeks.

I’m writing this in the middle of a pandemic that has had us confined to our home for almost 8 weeks. In order to ensure staff would be prepared at the hospital, the doctor suggested that we induce my wife at 39 weeks. It would give everyone time to plan. After some discussion, we decided to take the doctor’s suggestion and go for it. Induction should be on May 4. Yes, a chance at a May the Fourth baby! Key the Lego Star Wars shopping.


Induction

I got a little ahead of myself. We were instructed to call the hospital on the big day to know when to come in. To my disappointment, we actually waited 3 days before there were rooms and resources for us. May 6th became our new date.

For those wondering what induction means, here is my outline:

The process is done to artificially move the women’s body into giving birth. In our case, that meant breaking her water manually with a plastic hook. She was then put on a synthetic oxytocin drip to simulate the release of the hormone oxytocin which starts contractions.


The Story of the Birth of my Daughter

We woke up at 5am to call the hospital. We were given an appointment time of 7:30am. After packing everything into the car and saying goodbye to our dogs, we headed out. The hospital is about 35 minutes from our house so that gave us time to talk and listen to music. Admissions at the hospital were quick and before we knew it, we were in the delivery room. Luckily for us, that was a private room.


8:45am – Break water and start synthetic Oxytocin drip

With very little fanfare, Diana’s water was broken. Here we go! Diana was hooked up to a monitor so we could see the baby’s heartrate and her contractions. Contractions started almost immediately but the intensity was similar to what she’d already felt in the week prior.

Oddly enough, this was the hardest process for me. Diana doesn’t like needles and the drip uses an IV and catheter. Watching them put in the catheter had me sweating and made me anxious. Looking back, it was minor, but it was difficult at the time.

Dad – Ask questions. Be friendly with the staff. Make sure you understand everything going on. Communicate with your partner. Ask her how she’s feeling and be attentive to her every need. You are part of the staff. You are there to help your partner.


10:30am – Regular examinations

The staff at the hospital were absolutely exceptional. They took such good care of both of us. I expected to be a spectator. The nurses often called on me to participate by helping Diana move, make adjustments, etc. I did take a second to think back to an episode of The Office US where Pam has given birth and Jim is astounded by the number of people seeing Pam’s naked breasts and touching her. It made me laugh. Examinations were done regularly to check dilation progress and both Diana and baby’s vitals. 3cm dilated!


12:30pm – Lunch

Like I said, they took care of both of us. The staff made sure I had something to eat at every meal. It wasn’t luxurious. Beggars can’t be choosers. My advice: Eat whenever you get the chance. And eat fast!

Dad – If your partner is hungry and can eat, then make sure she does. She’ll need her strength. You should do the same. Don’t miss any contractions, though. Be ready to drop everything and rush back to help her through it. Oh, and do not tell her when a contraction is happening. It’s fun to see the contraction coming on the monitor. She’ll know though. She doesn’t need Captain Obvious by her side. Diana asked me to tell her when she reached the peak of the contraction. Discuss how she wants help.


12:32pm – Contractions intensify

As the morning progressed into the early afternoon, the nurses continued to increase the volume of oxytocin in Diana’s system. With that increase came an increased intensity in contractions. For those keeping score at home, she was at 3-1-1. Contractions lasting one minute, three-minute intervals from the start of one contraction to the start of the next. This pattern lasts an hour or more. She needed to stand and walk around in order to deal with the pain.

Dad – Do what you can to help her through the contractions. Breathing, physical support, etc. Whatever she needs.


Giving Birth in a Pandemic

I was allowed to be present the entire time. Security measures in place forced us to bring everything we needed into the hospital and we could not leave the room. Protocols limited us to a room measuring about 150 square feet. We had to wear cloth masks anytime staff were in the room with us. That made breathing more difficult for Diana. I learned how clumsy I can be when trying to put her mask on. How embarrassing.


1:30pm – Time for the Epidural

Tea vs Coffee, Transmission type, and Epidural or not. Three debates that will forever rage. They are absolutely personal choices and Diana decided to take the epidural. We discussed it ahead of time and I supported whatever decision she made. The benefits outweighed the risks in our minds.

Contractions had become so intense that Diana could no longer speak during one. She was breathing through them. There are lots of things you can do as the partner during this process. As I’ve mentioned before, I found SupportingHer during the pregnancy and the content of the course really spoke to me. I printed a list of 10 ways to give physical support during labor and relied on that list. I like to think it helped. The key is to be supportive however your partner needs it.

The anesthesiologist arrived quicker than expected. The whole process is fairly straightforward. Essentially, the doctor is freezing a specific area on the back to insert a catheter that will deliver the epidural to numb the lower body.

Dad – Giving birth is quite an experience. Only your partner is equipped to know whether she needs an epidural or not. And she may even change her mind. It’s your job to support her.


4:15pm – 7cm

The nurses were happy to inform us of the progression. We were relieved to hear that Diana was already passed the halfway point to 10cm. Our nurse even told us to expect to meet our baby girl before the day was done. The excitement was overwhelming. The epidural was working. Diana was not feeling anymore pain during contractions. She could feel pressure but was no longer writhing in pain.

Dad – Breathe. Make sure you stay calm and breathe with your wife. Diana really appreciated that I breathe with her through the contractions.


6:45pm – Surprise!

Examinations were done almost every two hours. The nurse would check vitals and the progress of the dilation of the cervix. By now, Diana had been laying down for 5 hours because walking is not possible with an epidural. It effectively numbs both legs. She was encouraged to switch positions every so often to ensure the drug was distributed evenly in her legs.

To our surprise, she started feeling some pain from the contractions. The nurse examined her and called another nurse to confirm her suspicions. Both could feel the baby’s head clearly low in the birth canal. Diana was fully dilated.

Dad – Listen to instructions. Offer to help wherever you can. Pushing is important and you get to help out.


6:46pm – Game on!

Diana’s obstetrician was called in to deliver the baby. It went from sometime in the evening to definitely within an hour. The nurse coached Diana on how she would switch from breathing through contractions to pushing. We tried one trial of 3 pushes during a contraction to see how things would progress. The nurse was astonished and had Diana stop because our baby almost crowned.

We were instructed to go back to breathing through contractions as the staff prepared for baby’s arrival.


7:45pm – Doctor Arrives

Diana’s doctor arrived, wearing personal protective equipment head to toe. The nursing staff did the same. Everyone geared up. I was given my new instructions on how to help. We were told how everything was going to unfold.

Dad – The doctor is the coach. You are a cheerleader. Cheer your partner on. Don’t cheer louder than the doctor can speak.


7:59pm – 10 Pushes

Contractions last roughly 60 seconds. Diana was asked to push for approximately 10 seconds at a time, take a breath and start again. That would mean about 3 full pushes per contraction. I’ve heard of some women pushing for hours on end. Nope, that wasn’t in the cards for us.

After just a couple of pushes, our daughter was already crowning. What a surreal moment for me. It’s too easy to get lost in the fact that you can see your baby. If you’re unsure about watching your baby come out as I was, then you shouldn’t be. Do it! I was astonished. Blown away. Floored. What a moment. One of the most amazing things that I have ever seen.

The doctor made minor adjustments to baby’s position and out she came. With just 10 pushes, our daughter was born! She cried almost instantly and was put on Diana’s chest.

Dad – Watch your baby come out if you can. I loved the experience and have heard many dads say the same. It’s absolutely incredible. And be patient, you’ll get your turn to hold your baby.


7:59:54 – I’m a Dad

Officially becoming a dad is a surreal feeling. I wasn’t overwhelmed with emotions. Understandably, the baby goes on mom to bond immediately after birth. Cutting the cord is a great experience and I’m glad I did it. I went from coaching and supporting my wife to protecting the two most important people in my life. My protective nature kicked into high gear. The doctor and nurses were amazing. I found myself watching over everything going on to ensure my wife and daughter were fine. That was the only thing going through my mind.

I’ve heard it before and it is true: Instinct takes over. My protective instincts kicked into overdrive. This was the feeling I waited 10 months to feel.

After an hour or so, I was able to take my daughter in my arms and sit with her. I fell in love in that moment. In an instant, like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes. I didn’t know I could find more love, more space. I did. It feels so natural. She nuzzled up against my chest and wrapped me around her little finger. My daughter has claimed my heart and will never give it back. I told her and continue to tell her that I love her. Forever and always.

Dad – Cherish this moment.


10:30pm – Move to Post-Partum

She is considered a bit small. Her blood sugar was monitored over the course of the night and the new couple of days. We moved from the delivery room to the post-partum room where we’d spend the next 48 hours.

The birth of my daughter is one of the most important days of my life to date. I’m lucky that I was able to record it in text messages, pictures and now, in writing. My friend Alice suggested that I write this down before I forget it. I do hope that someone takes the time to read up until this point. If you have, then I thank you and I hope it has helped you.

I plan to read it to Baby I on her birthday every year.


Baby I, I love you to the moon and back.

Diana, you are incredible. You blew me away throughout this whole experience. I am in awe of what you and other women out there can do. Thank you for embarking on this journey with me.


#4 – Dave Barr: Awe, Dad!

Ryan interviews Dave. Dave is Ryan’s cousin and someone Ryan has turned to for advice on a number of different topics including becoming a dad. Dave has a 3 year old daughter. He has some great advice for dads out there who get too caught up in long-term goals and suggests slowing down. 

Topics Discussed:

  • Dave has been a dad for 3 ½ years and federal employee in learning and development
  • What Dave wishes he knew before having a child
  • Don’t panic and become overwhelmed, you don’t need to know everything
  • Time doesn’t move as quickly as you think and you have time to learn
  • Diapers aren’t as gross as you thought
  • No need to keep track of every developmental milestone
  • How Dave felt when he found out he’d be a dad
  • Most exciting time for Dave during the pregnancy
  • Expectations when having a daughter
  • First few weeks after the baby was born
  • Dave’s routine once the baby arrived
  • Dave’s wife working shifts and having to balance it
  • Activities that Dave shares with his daughter
  • The prospect of more children
  • Advice for expecting or new dads
  • Check in with your partner. You know each other best
  • Dave doesn’t have a good dad joke but he talks about some of his favorite goofy moments with his daughter. 

*** 

If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts? It can help us reach more dads. 

For show notes and past guests, please visit daybydaydad.com/day-by-day-dad-podcast.

Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Visit https://daybydaydad.com/sponsor-form/ and fill out the form.

Follow Day by Day Dad:

Twitter: twitter.com/daybydaydad2
Instagram: instagram.com/daybydaydad
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